can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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