You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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