he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
