I have demons in me.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize