I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
