We won't sleep together?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
