he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize