just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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