why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Watching her eat just hurts me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
