I feel like abortions should bother me more
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
