you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
