Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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