So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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