Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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