every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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