farters have to be the big spoon...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
