hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
