and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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