You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
