8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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