my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
