Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
