He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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