im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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