I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
