I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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