you guys were way drunker than both of me
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
high people should be assigned attendants
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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