Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
