actually, I'm a sock model
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
