I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
