Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
