He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize