So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
