Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just found a bag of teeth...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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