I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
