the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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