Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
