it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
