Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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