I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
