a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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