i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The beer is more important than you right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize