i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
