Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
