i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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