She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
