if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
