It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
