Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize