Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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