my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
