How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
