I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
