All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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