god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my sisters under your porch take her home
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize