If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
