Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Randomize
