you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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