seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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