I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
