He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
