I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
