I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize