I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I have post one night stand depression
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