Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
