No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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