Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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