yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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