The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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