I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
