I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
