So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
