I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
