How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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