I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
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