You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
