Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
