my mouth tastes like poor choices
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize