and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
