So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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