the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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